Greats point system ever!!!!
Fri Jan 25, 2013 10:49 am
#32145- hiph0pan0tamusBUNKDRUNK
- Location : In my own little world
For thousands of years, men have tried to understand the rules when dealing with women. Finally, this merit/demerit guide will help you to understand just how it works.
Remember, in the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.
You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, but that's the way the game is played.
Here is a guide to the point system:
SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed.....+1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows.....0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets....-1
You leave the toilet seat up.....-5
You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty......0
When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex.....-1
When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom.....-2 (Got the idea? Don't worry, it gets worse....)
You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings.....+5
In the snow .....+8
But return with beer.....-5
And no liners.....-25
You check out a suspicious noise at night.....0
You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing.....0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something.....+5
You pummel it with a six iron.....+10
It's her cat.....-40
AT THE PARTY
You stay by her side the entire party.....0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy.....-2
Named Tiffany.....-4
Tiffany is a dancer.....-10
With implants.....-18
HER BIRTHDAY
You remember her birthday.....0
You buy a card and flowers.....0
You take her out to dinner.....0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar.....+1
Okay, it is a sports bar.....-2
And it's all-you-can-eat night.....-3
It's a sports bar, its all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team.....-10
A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS
Go with a pal.....0
The pal is happily married.....+1
The pal is single.....-7
He drives a Ferrari.....-10
With a personalized license plate (GR8NBED)...-15
A NIGHT OUT WITH HER
You take her to a movie.....+2
You take her to a movie she likes.....+4
You take her to a movie you hate.....+6
You take her to a movie you like.....-2
It's called Death Cop III.....-3
Which features Cyborgs that eat humans.....-9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans.....-15
YOUR PHYSIQUE
You develop a noticeable pot belly.....-15
You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get rid of it.....+10
You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts.....-30
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too.".....-800
THE BIG QUESTION - She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?"
You hesitate in responding.....-10
You reply, "Where?".....-35
You reply, "No, I think it's your butt".....-100
Any other response.....-20
COMMUNICATION - When she wants to talk about a problem:
You listen, displaying a concerned expression.....0
You listen, for over 30 minutes.....+5
You relate to her problem and share a similar experience.....+50
You're mind wanders to sports and you suddenly hear her saying "well, what do you think I should do?".....-100
You have fallen asleep.....-200
IT'S THAT TIME OF THE MONTH
You talk.....-100
You don't talk.....-150
You spend time with her......-200
You don't spend time with her.....-500
You seem to be enjoying yourself.....-1000 GAME OVER - YOU LOSE!!
Remember, in the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.
You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, but that's the way the game is played.
Here is a guide to the point system:
SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed.....+1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows.....0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets....-1
You leave the toilet seat up.....-5
You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty......0
When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex.....-1
When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom.....-2 (Got the idea? Don't worry, it gets worse....)
You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings.....+5
In the snow .....+8
But return with beer.....-5
And no liners.....-25
You check out a suspicious noise at night.....0
You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing.....0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something.....+5
You pummel it with a six iron.....+10
It's her cat.....-40
AT THE PARTY
You stay by her side the entire party.....0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy.....-2
Named Tiffany.....-4
Tiffany is a dancer.....-10
With implants.....-18
HER BIRTHDAY
You remember her birthday.....0
You buy a card and flowers.....0
You take her out to dinner.....0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar.....+1
Okay, it is a sports bar.....-2
And it's all-you-can-eat night.....-3
It's a sports bar, its all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team.....-10
A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS
Go with a pal.....0
The pal is happily married.....+1
The pal is single.....-7
He drives a Ferrari.....-10
With a personalized license plate (GR8NBED)...-15
A NIGHT OUT WITH HER
You take her to a movie.....+2
You take her to a movie she likes.....+4
You take her to a movie you hate.....+6
You take her to a movie you like.....-2
It's called Death Cop III.....-3
Which features Cyborgs that eat humans.....-9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans.....-15
YOUR PHYSIQUE
You develop a noticeable pot belly.....-15
You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get rid of it.....+10
You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts.....-30
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too.".....-800
THE BIG QUESTION - She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?"
You hesitate in responding.....-10
You reply, "Where?".....-35
You reply, "No, I think it's your butt".....-100
Any other response.....-20
COMMUNICATION - When she wants to talk about a problem:
You listen, displaying a concerned expression.....0
You listen, for over 30 minutes.....+5
You relate to her problem and share a similar experience.....+50
You're mind wanders to sports and you suddenly hear her saying "well, what do you think I should do?".....-100
You have fallen asleep.....-200
IT'S THAT TIME OF THE MONTH
You talk.....-100
You don't talk.....-150
You spend time with her......-200
You don't spend time with her.....-500
You seem to be enjoying yourself.....-1000 GAME OVER - YOU LOSE!!
Fri Jan 25, 2013 10:54 am
#32146- AlphaI like Pink
Went to point out lol moments but they just kept coming.
The cat was the start of it, bitches love pummeled pussy.
The cat was the start of it, bitches love pummeled pussy.
Fri Jan 25, 2013 10:54 am
#32147- hiph0pan0tamusBUNKDRUNK
- Location : In my own little world
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the
aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can
help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons
for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a
ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?
He answers, " You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent
my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes,
and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling
papers; cause it's sooooooooooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own ............ so does she.
aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can
help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons
for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a
ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?
He answers, " You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent
my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes,
and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling
papers; cause it's sooooooooooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own ............ so does she.
Fri Jan 25, 2013 11:02 am
#32156- BamaGoodfellaMember
- Location : Alabama
Funniest. Thread. Ever. LMFAO!!!!!
Fri Jan 25, 2013 11:13 am
#32162- hiph0pan0tamusBUNKDRUNK
- Location : In my own little world
Why do women have periods? Because they deserve them.
What's 6 inches long, 2 inches wide and drives women wild? A $100 bill.
How many male chauvinists does it take to change a light bulb? None. Let her do the dishes in the dark.
What do toys and womens breasts have in common? They were both originally made for kids, but dad ends up playing with
What is love? The delusion that one woman differs from another.
Monkeys and girls both are same. they fight only for Banana, Boys and rats are same they search only holes.
What is the difference between your wife and your job? After five years your job still sucks.
Why did God create lesbians? So feminists couldn't breed.
Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning? Because they don't have balls.
Why do women talk so much? Because they have two sets of lips.
What's the difference between your bonus and your dick? You don't have to beg a woman to blow your bonus.
Why is a woman like a laxative? They both irritate the shit out of you.
Why are there no female astronauts on the moon? Because it doesn't need cleaning yet.
What is the difference between a cheap hooker and an elephant? One rolls on its back for peanuts and the other one lives in a zoo.
What s worse than a male chauvinist pig? A woman who won't do as she's told.
Why are wives like condoms? They both spend too much time in your wallet, and not enough time on the end of your dick.
Why do men die before their wives? They want to.
How many men does it take to fix a vacuum cleaner? Why the hell should we fix it? We don't use the damn thing.
Why do women love orgasms? Because it gives them another reason to moan
What is a wife? An attachment you screw on the bed to get the housework done.
How are women like parking spaces? The good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.
Why do 60 percent of women believe in ghosts? Because they've seen how fast men disappear after sex!
What do you call the flesh surrounding a vagina? A woman
Why do women have tits? So men will talk to them
Why do women close their eyes during sex? They can't stand to see a man having a good time.
Why is our salary like a women’s period? It comes once in a month,lasts only for four or five days and if any month it does not come it means your fucked.
Women are like orange juice cartons, It’s not the shape or size or even how sweet the juice is, It’s getting thoses fuckin flaps open
Why did the woman cross the road? Who cares - what was she doing out of the kitchen anyway?
what does the woman who just got out of an abusive relationship do? It better be the damn dishes!
What's 6 inches long, 2 inches wide and drives women wild? A $100 bill.
How many male chauvinists does it take to change a light bulb? None. Let her do the dishes in the dark.
What do toys and womens breasts have in common? They were both originally made for kids, but dad ends up playing with
What is love? The delusion that one woman differs from another.
Monkeys and girls both are same. they fight only for Banana, Boys and rats are same they search only holes.
What is the difference between your wife and your job? After five years your job still sucks.
Why did God create lesbians? So feminists couldn't breed.
Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning? Because they don't have balls.
Why do women talk so much? Because they have two sets of lips.
What's the difference between your bonus and your dick? You don't have to beg a woman to blow your bonus.
Why is a woman like a laxative? They both irritate the shit out of you.
Why are there no female astronauts on the moon? Because it doesn't need cleaning yet.
What is the difference between a cheap hooker and an elephant? One rolls on its back for peanuts and the other one lives in a zoo.
What s worse than a male chauvinist pig? A woman who won't do as she's told.
Why are wives like condoms? They both spend too much time in your wallet, and not enough time on the end of your dick.
Why do men die before their wives? They want to.
How many men does it take to fix a vacuum cleaner? Why the hell should we fix it? We don't use the damn thing.
Why do women love orgasms? Because it gives them another reason to moan
What is a wife? An attachment you screw on the bed to get the housework done.
How are women like parking spaces? The good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.
Why do 60 percent of women believe in ghosts? Because they've seen how fast men disappear after sex!
What do you call the flesh surrounding a vagina? A woman
Why do women have tits? So men will talk to them
Why do women close their eyes during sex? They can't stand to see a man having a good time.
Why is our salary like a women’s period? It comes once in a month,lasts only for four or five days and if any month it does not come it means your fucked.
Women are like orange juice cartons, It’s not the shape or size or even how sweet the juice is, It’s getting thoses fuckin flaps open
Why did the woman cross the road? Who cares - what was she doing out of the kitchen anyway?
what does the woman who just got out of an abusive relationship do? It better be the damn dishes!
Fri Jan 25, 2013 11:14 am
#32163- ChisaGod Of Boobs
- Location : Boston, MA
hey, lets not get offensive
I've known my wife for 21 years, and she blows me all the time
I've known my wife for 21 years, and she blows me all the time
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